Have you ever seen Wall-E? Oh you have? Then you remember how the humans left earth because it was so polluted. Now picture that in a college suite. Yep, that was my suite. There were times when I wished that it had its own personal trash disposing robot because of how bad it stacked up. It wasn’t my trash, or my neighbor’s or even his neighbor’s. But it was there and we all had to live with it.
I didn’t live on campus last year, so when I moved into Garrahy Hall fall semester, I was ecstatic to have a single in a suite to call my home. It was great to be able to finally invite friends to my room to hang out. And of course, I wanted to show everyone how awesome of a place it was. Within days, my room was Christmas lit, postered, American flagged, tapestried, speakered and carpeted. It was great to be a college student. However, there was a slight problem- the trash pile by the suite door was slowing growing.
What was at first a quiet assemblage of old grab-n-go pizza boxes and take out containers began to evolve. Like a great magnet it began to attract things. Bottles, cans, shopping bags and countless food containers. I think I even saw a baby in there once.
Just kidding about the baby. But not really. Anyway, what at first was a small nuisance shortly became a mammoth problem. The trash monster was, at its peak, a whopping 4 feet tall and about as wide as a medium sized sumo wrestler. And it smelled. You’re probably thinking, “Well obviously it smelled, it’s a pile of trash.” It was worse than that though. Worse than a Barlow bathroom on a Friday night.
Things got to the point where I would turn the thermostat down to 50 degrees so that the smell wouldn’t pervade the suite too badly. If that didn’t work, my neighbor and I broke out the Febreeze and doused the pile aggressively in a “Rain” scented mist.
Why didn’t I or someone else take out the trash you ask? Well it wasn’t mine, and I have no intentions of taking other people’s trash out for them. So the only logical solution was to let it grow and grow and not do anything about it. When I had people over I tried to discreetly stand in front of the pile to hide it, but to no avail, everyone could smell it before they saw it.
I’m thankful to say that the trash monster has since then been taken care of. We were able to contain it with a series of small fires in the lounge (just kidding, fire inspector). Every once in a while another small one emerges, only to be taken out before it could manifest into something dangerous; We learned our lesson.
Anyway, that was just the beginning of the shenanigans caused by the 10 men of G-spot, as we call Garrahy, the best spot.