To whom it may concern:
I would like to apologize for the trash piling up, it seems to do that on its own. Moving past the trash I would like to warn you that if you use the bathrooms, please wear slippers, flip flops or some other foot covering for your own sake. We seem to have broken glass on the bathroom floors again. Sorry about that, it’s another one of those natural, unexplainable phenomena of G-Spot.
Ah, I see you noticed that it smells a little smoky in the suite? That was Ronny’s microwave setting food on fire again. Or it was me trying to cook rice in a red solo cup after a long night again. Either or. Note to readers: Don’t try to cook using a red solo cup. Apparently it releases these scary little bastards called carcinogens into the food or something. Not that it really matters anyway, because apparently one of the bathrooms is smoker friendly. Every time I walk in, it’s like stepping into a high stakes, anything-goes casino. I think I might have even seen rain man in there one time, but that might have just been the brownie.
It’s funny, there was a time when our bathrooms were cleaned regularly. Back in fall semester, we had this golden age, so to speak. We had two friends who would clean our bathroom regularly, and it was awesome. But alas those days are gone and I had to learn how to wield a toilet brush myself.
There have been times when I’ve walked into the lounge and questioned whether or not homeless people took refuge in it at night. This was because of the sheet-less dorm bed in the corner of the room with a good five foot radius of snack wrappers, socks and other such junk scattered around it. And don’t even remind me about the time I walked in one morning to find a close to five foot long projectile vomit puke stain by the couch. Apparently someone visiting our honorable school had too much fun and couldn’t bother to get off the couch before yakking. So if it smells like mustard when you walk in, I’m sorry.
And I have to give a sincere shoutout to the cleaning people at G-Spot. They’re the real unsung heroes of this school. I’ve never met such stalwart, “never give up” kind of people in my life. In a way, they’re kind of like Forrest Gump after he gets shot in the tush during Vietnam. They never give up no matter what the odds. Not broken bottles nor Burnettes puke can stop them. They push on through the ten man suite messes and drunken Chinese food messes like it’s nobody’s business.
Cleaning people, we salute you.