“What is your plan?” Most young adults are not fans of this question. But if you asked a year ago, my answer would be polished, rehearsed and assuring. However, it would not be true or genuine.

What was my plan? Studying both accounting and Chinese, I planned to work with a company abroad in China for a couple years, before returning to New York City to work at an accounting firm. That is verbatim what my answer would be, every time. But it was not true. It was not genuine.

Recently, this plan has sounded less polished, less rehearsed and less assuring. Truthfully, I have been questioning my path. This started over the past month, because I’m at a crossroads of whether I should finish my Chinese program or not, which has been my plan for the past three years.

I tell my friends I’m having a “life crisis” and they laugh. I laugh too actually, because of how backward it all is. Most people come into college with little to no path and find it through their experiences. I came in with a detailed goal and feel as though I lost it.

I’m a junior now, and for everyone around me, things seem to be falling into place, whereas mine are falling apart. This is not because my original plan has become less appealing in any way, but because I have found passions in other aspects. Through my involvement in different organizations at the University of Rhode Island, I have come across amazing people and have had amazing experiences that have shaped me and changed the way I look at the world. Finding new passions seems like a thrilling experience, but a part of me finds it incredibly terrifying.  

When meeting with an advisor last month, I was asked what my passions were, and after telling her what I wanted to do with my life, was told that I “did not sound like an accounting major.” I fear that this is true.

I’m realizing now that my fear is feeling unfulfilled. If we truly only have one lifetime, then I want to do the most with it in the most impactful way. The thing is, I like my major, and I like my classes, but I’m nervous that my plan was chosen because it was stable and reliable and not based on passion.

It was much easier and much more reliable when I had one passion of being a successful business leader. Then I found my passion of Chinese and travel so I thought of working abroad. Then I found my passion of involvement and mentorship so I thought of redirecting a path toward that. Then I found my passion for volunteer and service work so I want to somehow include that into my plan.

It’s becoming a little less easy and a little less reliable. So now I am faced in deciding how do I change my goal to include all my passions without completely deviating from my path? How to combine my different passions with a career in accounting?

I have come to realize that, despite how stressful and frustrating it is, all of this can be viewed as a positive. There are so many opportunities around me. If having too many choices is my problem, then I can confidently say I am blessed.

So what is my plan, you ask? The answer: I have no idea. That is true. That is genuine.