Student Senate report 4/1

The URI Student Senate held an additional meeting to welcome the new senate as well as the newly elected President Ry Bukshot and Andre Donneski. The meeting started off with light refreshments of pastries and coffee followed by an introduction by former president Ander Codyson.

“The highlight of any president is the peaceful transition of power,” said Codyson as he began the annual ceremony to induct the new senate president. However, almost half of the newly elected senators were not in attendance for the special meeting. Codyson described his distaste for such protesting after the long election. Sam Queen and Po Rercy were the favorites to win the election, but ultimately lost to Bukshot and Donneski in a surprising turnaround.

After Codyson’s speech, members of the new executive board announced the entrance of Bukshot and Donneski, who entered rolling out a red carpet and wearing king’s crowns on their head.

“It feels good to be a winner,” says Bukshot. “I thought the election was going to be rigged, but I’m glad it turned out the way it did. They always underestimated us, but who’s your president now?”

The present senators gave a standing ovation to Bukshot as he bowed before them. However, once the applause stopped Sam Queen kicked the door open into the meeting surrounded by the absent senators who stormed the meeting chanting “not my president” and holding protesting signs.

Po Rercy made it to the president’s stand saying, “We cannot sit still any longer. ¡Viva la Revolución!”

This led to the mob of senators to begin fist fighting each other for power. The mob stopped fighting when Queen dragged Bukshot to the president’s stand holding a bloody gavel. When the crowd looked up to her, she pulled out a knife and beheaded Bukshot, holding his head in the air.

“You’re only the king until the queen arrives,” yelled Queen. “Politics is a bloodsport and I am the [expletive] hunter.” Queen used the bloody gavel to get the senators back in their seats to officially finish the meeting.

In other business, Student Senate voted for approve a new bill to recognize Basket Weaving Club by a vote of 5-2.