I don’t have many complaints to make, but I am going to contradict myself right now and complain about what has been going on at the gym on campus lately.

Specifically, I want to address the girls who either don’t make it to the gym, or get stuck only doing cardio. I might be silly to say that we need more people to be at Fascitelli at any given time, but that’s besides the point.

The gym is overridden with testosterone-infused males who flock in packs to participate in arm day, every day. Meanwhile, the majority of girls stick to the Nautilus machines and cardio areas. Ladies, leave any reservations you have about utilizing the free weight areas at the door. I’ve been at this university for three years and have made quite a few observations about the competency of gym goers.

The first thing I can say to any gym goer is have confidence in what you are doing. Just the other day I saw a group of guys leg pressing the bar in the Smith machine. Yes, they laid on the ground and leg pressed the Smith machine bar. They owned it, and I respect it, although there are more effective and less stupid ways to neglect actually working out your legs.

I can say with confidence that girls are better at squatting than guys. It’s common knowledge that guys don’t have a leg day. The only thing we do in the squat rack is curl. It’s probably because most guys have the mobility of C3PO (that’s the robot from Star Wars). Please come show them how to squat; they’ll take it more kindly from you than from me.

When I see a girl step into the squat rack and hit below parallel I think to myself, “Damn, that’s mobility.” Girls, please take your talents from the elliptical or treadmill, to the squat rack. I can agree that the majority of guys know how to bench. I would hope they have some idea of what they’re doing after the five chest days they do each week, and the countless BodyBuilding.com articles they’ve read.

I applaud all of you for your commitment to your chesticles. The last and final thing I would like to address are you ladies who aren’t making it to the gym. If you don’t want to go to the gym, that’s fine, I respect whatever is your thing. But don’t not come to the gym because you think people are going to judge you. The majority of students don’t go to the gym to judge other people. Look, I’m contradicting myself again.

No one is going to judge you or think any different of you. In fact, when I see someone working their ass off at the gym, I gain respect for those individuals. But no one cares what I think, nor should anyone care what anyone thinks. You should do what you want to do and disregard what other people have to say or think.