This column is part of a weekly installment about sex, dating and relationships. Veronica Smart is a pen name for a sex-positive feminist at the University of Rhode Island, who asked to keep her identity private. Veronica answers questions, too. Forward yours to [email protected].
Let’s do some math. Take your age and halve it, now add seven. That’s the bottom of your age range, or the youngest person society tells you that you’re allowed to date. Now, take your age, subtract seven, and multiply that number by two. That’s top of your age range. I’m 20, so my oldest would be 26, and my youngest would be 17.
If you’re anything like me, I find boys younger than me to be immature in relationships. Even if I’m dealing with a guy my age, I’m always the “mature one.” My interests don’t revolve around smoking joints and adding to my body count. I like men with ambition. Men who know how to properly use a comma. Men who like cats.
Essentially, I like my men like I like my liquor: aged and mature.
I get asked this question all the time: how old is too old? Or the inverse, how young is too young? Is it okay to date a high schooler while you’re in college? Am I allowed to sleep with someone who’s old enough to be my uncle? I think the answer depends. But before you stop reading, if you’re 18 and your partner is younger than 16, it’s illegal.
On the contrary, if you and your partner are over 18, there’s nothing wrong with your relationship, no matter the extent. There’s such a stigma around dating someone older than you. For girls, if you date someone who is at least a decade older than you, it’s easy to be labeled as a “sugar baby” or “gold digger” and your significant other as a “cradle robber” or “cougar.” But in reality, it all comes down to your personal preference, and I challenge you to embrace it.
If you and your partner are both consenting adults over the age of 18, everything is fair game. Personally, I think if it makes you happy, you should do it. Whether there’s an age gap of five years or 35 years, everything is up to your comfort and discretion.
I’ve found that significantly older men are a wonderfully refreshing change of pace. While I’ve never officially dated or called an older man my boyfriend, I have engaged in sexual relationships with them, much like a “friends with benefits” type of situation.
Ladies, I think you’d be surprised what a good amount of experience can do for a woman in the bedroom. I’ve slept around enough to know my sexual preference first and foremost is often, and secondly, that I like men who know how to find the clitoris.
Older men really have a wealth of knowledge that can be applicable to areas outside of the bedroom, too. I’ve learned so much from older partners about their career paths and professional skills, as well as funny stories from men who have been through this awkward and explorative 20-year-old time period. Conversation is really the most important part of these types of relationships, though. It’s all about mental age; if I can hold an intriguing conversation with a person, I’m sure we’ll hit it off.
My favorite part is challenging the proverbial norms by dating older men. I’d recommend it. If it’s something you’ve been wanting to try but are afraid of the stereotypes, I’d say to ignore them and do what you’re comfortable with. Your sex and dating life is about you. Ditch the equations and enjoy yourself. You’re only young once.