It’s good to be back! Australia was one hell of an adventure, but let me tell you, the University of Rhode Island is far more exotic and more exciting than Australia ever will be. Don’t believe me? Keep reading to find out why.
First things first, the weather here is amazing! And I’m not talking about October when all the trees are turning bright colors and the pumpkin spice lattes are being sold by the ton at Starbucks. I’m talking about these late March and early April days when it’s 40 degrees and raining. It’s perfect weather if you’re anything like me, an introvert who likes to sit inside and play Fortnite all day (30 solo wins, I’m the best). Sydney was tough because it was always 70 degrees and sunny. That’s dangerous for me, especially since I’m Irish and I burn easily. My friends seemed to enjoy it, as they could tan, but I certainly didn’t! I’d much rather live in a place where the air hurts my face than where I can get skin cancer. Peace of mind is going to a place where it just rains for days on end, with no signs of stopping. Like I said, I don’t like the sun.
Sydney is a major world city, which means that there is a ton to do. While that’s great, I’m an indecisive guy… Should I go to the Opera House, Coogee Beach, the bar, the Royal Botanical Gardens, etc.? It was a daily stress thinking about what I should do… URI is so much simpler! It’s too cold to swim right now and basketball season is over. You can’t go to the bars unless you’re 21 (as opposed to 18 in Australia), so it really cuts down on my indecision. I’m almost forced into doing nothing, which again, really helps me out on Fortnite.
Another great thing about being back in America is the dollar menu at McDonalds. There is just something really special about being as broke as I am (thanks to my student loans and minimum wage job) and still being able to get fast food for when I need to stress eat.
Drinking culture here is also fantastic. Everywhere else in the world is a little more civilized and relaxed. For example, when I was in Australia everyone would just grab a beer at dinner and just hang out. That’s a waste of perfectly good alcohol! Ever seen Talladega Nights? The part where Ricky Bobby says “you’re either first, or last.” That’s what drinking is all about! Shotgunning a beer was a foreign concept to the Australians, which is just wrong. My American buddies and I had to teach them how to do it. Alcohol is meant to be consumed in great quantity as quickly as possible, and Americans, especially college students, exceed in that.
You can see why I’m happy to be home, but by far the best part about being back is the hill. Isn’t it relaxing driving around Plains, desperately searching for a parking spot so you can make your class on time? Then, once you inevitably fail, the University is kind enough to have built some exercise in for us, walking from Plains to CBLS, Chaffee or any building on the Quadrangle. Whenever I walk into class at Swan, having walked from the bottom of the hill to the top, and I’m drenched in sweat, I can see my classmates looking at me. I stride to my seat with pride however, as I can tell that they know I’m passionate about my fitness, hence my sweaty appearance. On my way back from class, I’m even luckier, as I get to be serenaded by dozens of campus tours passing by me every single day. These are all the things that you miss when you’re in a foreign country!
So now you can all see why it’s so good to be home. I really missed that URI weather, along with the cheap food, the alcohol and best of all, the hill here at URI. Love it so much!
**The information presented in this article may or may not include real names, often used in a semi-real or mostly fictitious way, intended purely as satire. Any resemblances to truth, whether intentional or unintentional, are purely fictitious.**