Photo by Autumn Walter |CIGAR|

Who drives the worst?


By Caitlyn Picard

If you ever heard of the phrase “going for a Sunday drive,” apply to that every Rhode Islander who steps foot into a vehicle at any given time. I guess if you’re within 30 minutes of the ocean no matter where you are, the sounds and sights of the abyss will distract your eyes from the road and take your foot off the gas pedal.

We Massachusetts drivers like to get from Point A to Point B in the most efficient manner possible. Sure, that may require us going a little over the speed limit and sure, that may require us to drive a tad aggressively. But for Rhode Islanders, they could care less how fast they get there and instead kick it in neutral the whole way there. You can go over the speed limit as long as you’re not going wildly over it. There is such thing as an accelerator that your automobiles come with. Use it. Perhaps the worst is the two lane roads that have two Rhode Island drivers that drive side-by-side going as slow as humanly possible, forming a phenomenon I call the “Ocean State blockade.”

In fact, driving to place that takes longer than 30 minutes is not feasible for Rhode Islanders and bothers the crap out of them when they have to travel farther. Newsflash, Rhode Islanders, not every state is tiny and in other places 30 minutes is an average commute. It would make sense that they would like every driver around them to be as miserable as they are when they’re on the road.

Rhode Island drivers are about as aware as Buzz Lightyear was when he couldn’t realize he was a toy. If you are in the fast lane and there are multiple cars passing you, maybe you shouldn’t be in the fast lane. If you approach a yield sign and no one is coming from the other direction, you do not need to come to a complete stop. Blinkers are not just appreciated, they are necessary. I don’t know what Rhode Island does for driver’s education, but they need to throw out the book and be taught by another state.

Rhode Island drivers are so bad that they basically have a “get out of jail free” card. If you have had your license for more than three years and have no blemishes on it, the first time you get caught for a traffic violation you can use that to be exempt from the fine and not have it go on your record. If you break the law, the punishment should fit the crime! Not honing up to your mistakes contributes to continuous bad behavior and in fact encourages you to try it, which is why Rhode Islanders continue to get away with bad driving.

In conclusion, we Massachusetts drivers are not the best, although we’re pretty close and we actually know how to drive. But for the Rhode Islanders out there, take a bus, call an Uber, rent a boat or learn how to fly. Please, on behalf of the 49 other states and even Puerto Rico, just stay off the road.

Rhode Island

by Sam Murray

There is a reason Massachusetts drivers have the name “massholes.” Now, a lot of my good friends hail from Massachusetts and I feel I’ve had this discussion so often but the facts are there.

As a collective whole, they are the most aggressive drivers I’ve ever encountered, save New York drivers but that’s a whole other story. They will ride your butt like they’re getting paid for it. How many accidents do you think Mass drivers caused because of this? There is no need for it and lets be real, you riding someone’s butt won’t make them want to drive any faster for you. Not to mention that Massachusetts drivers don’t even consider looking when they do things such as taking a turn or merging. They have this air of assuming they can just go. Not to mention the traffic weaving, oh man. It’s like watching a pinball. Look, if we’re in standstill traffic, cutting people off to attempt to get through it faster just isn’t a good idea and can put people in danger.

You have the aggressive drivers but then you also have those that go 20 below the speed limit. Honestly what the heck is that about? Are they not capable of going the actual speed or 5 above like most normal people? Yes, there are Rhode Island drivers that drive slow, I know this for a fact, but at least Rhode Island drivers have some sort of care for others on the road and don’t want to cause an accident because we can get somewhere five minutes earlier by speeding.

Do drivers in Massachusetts even know the rules regarding crosswalks? That pedestrians have the right  of way? Because even if the little man is there saying you can walk, you still have to be well aware that you may get hit by a car with red and white plates because they couldn’t take five seconds away from wherever they may be going. Or what about looking before you turn into a road? Is that a thing? Because I got t-boned by a driver in Boston because he didn’t notice my car was on the street. How the hell do you miss a car?

They honk for no reason, especially in situations where honking does absolutely nothing but annoy everyone around them. They also don’t use blinkers so that does not fall fully on Rhode Island drivers. It’s fairly easy to push the lever to make the lights go on for all sides.

You know, it is an actual statistic that Massachusetts drivers, especially Boston drivers, are some of the worst in the nation. In fact they are statistically more likely to get in an accident than most other places. While Rhode Island drivers are absolutely not without their faults, no one can say that Massachusetts drivers are better because frankly, they aren’t.