In an age defined by hookup culture and dating apps, I ended up in an interesting situation. Lying in his bed, I found myself asking the question, “Are we exclusive?”
What started as something casual slowly morphed into something I couldn’t explain. As the summer went on, I found the “are we exclusive?” question eating away at me. Lines were blurred, and what we wanted was never spoken about.
I would begin to question myself and would start to feel insecure. Slowly, I started to spend multiple nights a week with him. I still questioned him, myself and what we were doing. I was scared. The fear of rejection fueled my lack of communication.
Deep down, I knew I was the only person he was seeing. One day, I realized I had stopped talking to other people and building a roster. It just happened one day. With how much time we spent together, there wasn’t time for someone else. This didn’t stop me from having that constant question in the back of my mind.
In August, he started to ask to meet my parents. Immediate no from me. We weren’t together, so in my mind, he wasn’t allowed to meet people in my life. What guy asks to meet your parents if they’re not somewhat serious about you? This flew over my head.
At this point, I knew we were only seeing each other. I never stopped to question how this came to be or when it officially happened. I just knew I liked it. As the end of August drew near, I started to worry about the school year. Since we weren’t together, I had no idea if we would continue to talk. I needed to have this dreaded conversation.
Never having been in a relationship, I had no idea what this uncharted territory looked like. How long was I supposed to let this go on without a conversation? Was I supposed to come back to Rhode Island without having one? I ended up letting the whole summer go by without one. I waited until my last night at home.
I spent weeks talking to my co-workers and friends about him, asking them questions and getting their opinions on the situation. I had been wanting to have this conversation weeks before I actually ended up having it.
Lying in his bed once again, coming full circle, we had that conversation. Turns out, it’s true what they say; communication really is key. During this conversation, unintentional monogamy was confirmed for me, for real. That’s all I needed to hear.
That conversation changed a lot for me. We have had others to make sure we are both still comfortable in our choices, but feelings haven’t changed. If anything, they’ve only become stronger.
What started as something casual turned into him going on double dates with my sister and her boyfriend and spending holidays at my house with my family. It took a single, overdue conversation to reveal what had quietly been true for months: we had slipped into monogamy without ever deciding to.
Looking back, the uncertainty that once scared me now feels like a necessary part of getting to where we are today. Sometimes the clearest answers only come after you finally ask the question.
