How often do you get something right on the first try?
How often do you get something wrong if you don’t try?
Never.
As everyone around me began getting into relationships, I told my friends my plan. I was going to go one-and-done, find my perfect person, and be with her till death do us part.
Simple, right? Why doesn’t everyone just wait until their soulmate strolls into their life instead of testing the waters with other relationships in the meantime?
People must be less patient than I am–or perhaps more accurately–less stupid than I am. That’s the narrative I chose. I would wait for “the one,” and when I found her, I would know, despite having no experience or understanding of what “I would know” was going to feel like.
I liked telling people that plan more than the truth: that a lack of self-confidence and a fear of rejection were what stopped me from ever trying. Even as those two truths dwindled, the effect remains. I am woefully inexperienced and unprepared for an ever-changing dating landscape.
My main concern was working on myself and my professional goals. Loving myself was my first step. Being able to finally smile at the man in the mirror was a major part. I invested my energy in my work, giving me something to put confidence behind that my appearance couldn’t.
I didn’t want to waste time on a relationship that wouldn’t work out; more importantly, I didn’t want to be wrong. The easy way to avoid either was not to try.
Wasting time and being wrong are two things that, from the outside, seem to define the current dating scene. Finding “the one” should be easier than ever; they are just one superficial swipe away, but also one swipe the other way from never being seen again.
Wasting time and being wrong are also two things that could be defined entirely differently person to person. Is a failed relationship a waste of time, or a learning experience? Is being wrong not marrying your first partner, or was it always an idealistic pipe dream?
Deciding whether you can imagine the rest of your life with someone else is quite the prerequisite to a relationship that I would no longer recommend.
Being a goal-oriented person, it is important to recognize when you need to readjust unrealistic expectations. Readjusting isn’t a sign of failure, but a sign of growth. The only failure is to give up, or worse, not try.
It has been said that the biggest risk is not taking any at all. It is hard to disagree. Outside of relationships, the risks that I have taken have led to my biggest moments. Maybe it’s time to take some more risks.
I don’t think I’ll find the perfect person, but our imperfections are the most beautiful part of being human. The Japanese, and later Bobby Hill, would define that as wabi-sabi.
Life is too short to wait, especially when you’re waiting for perfection.
