Mental health is just as vital as physical health, yet it’s something we still struggle to openly talk about.
Growing up, I’ve watched my friends walk around like nothing was worrying them. That always seemed impossible to me.
Anxiety has run so much of my life; it’s hard to talk about sometimes. Every task, chore, job, quiz, even picking what I wanted to eat for lunch, anxiety dictated everything.
Things turned up in high school. Every test felt like a massive roadblock. I wasn’t allowed to think about anything else until that test was taken. I had to study every night.
My friends would always ask me, “Why do you study so much? You always do great on everything.” I was a good student, but my anxiety didn’t know that.
My anxiety didn’t care that I had straight A’s. My anxiety didn’t care that I was at the top of my class. The thoughts kept coming.
I loved to play soccer. A game of mistakes; I made them often.
I’d seen friends and teammates make mistakes and brush them off. I couldn’t do that. “Did coach see that? Is he going to bench me? What if no one trusts me anymore?” The thoughts never stopped.
My head was always so loud. There was a rock concert going on in my head every minute of every day. I never caught a break.
Even when I was with my friends, I thought about something else. “Am I talking too loud? Do they think I’m annoying?” That was my reality, until one fall evening.
It was just before Halloween, the perfect time for some acoustic melodies. I sat in my friend’s basement and watched him play.
After a couple of minutes, I asked, “Can I try that?”
He taught me two chords, E and G. I sat and played those chords for hours.
For the first time in my life, everything was quiet. The thoughts weren’t rushing. They stood still in time as the strings vibrated beneath my fingers. All my problems seemed a little smaller.
I went back to my friend’s house as often as I could. He started teaching me songs. The first one was “Otherside” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
The better I got, the quieter my mind got. The more I played, the smaller my problems seemed.
I begged my parents for my own guitar. It didn’t take much convincing after I told them what it did for me.
I finally found an escape. After practice, after studying, after a long day, I played my guitar.
When the noise got loud, I went and made some of my own. The sounds hit my ears, and everything seemed okay. Everything seemed like it was going to turn out all right.
To this day, I play the guitar every day. While I’ve been through therapy and worked on managing my anxiety, I still have my moments. In those moments, I grab that six-string and strum my problems away.
It might be watching a show, going for a walk, taking pictures or simply just sitting on the porch; Everyone has an escape. It might be something your friend enjoys. It might be something you find out for yourself.
Playing the guitar saved my life. Everyone can find their guitar.
You might not know what it is yet. Keep searching. You can quiet the noise.
